I grew up at a time and place where it was considered that children should be ‘protected’ from death and funerals. I didn't go to a funeral until I was well into my adulthood. My grandparents were there one minute and gone the next with no in-between transition. Something I have always felt resentful about but it is just how things were done in those days.. Food does play a part here … but not in quite such an extensive way ... just finger food ... a sandwich or two, sausage roll, piece of cake ... These days the focus is on a celebration of life and the food after the service draws people together to swap stories about the deceased over a cup of tea or coffee and pay their respect to those who have most closely suffered the loss.
My parents felt the same way about protecting me from funerals, if not death itself. So I wasn’t allowed to say final goodbyes to several beloved family members until I was an adult.
For me, those experiences created a challenge to my acceptance of their passing, and - if not a fear - then surely a deep reluctance to even think about the topic.
Thanks for sharing your perspective and thoughts. These sorts of community and family traditions are always fascinating mg, aren’t they!
It occurred to me that when I replied, I wrote very much from my own European perspective. I live in a country where food plays a significant part in funerals for Māori people. A Māori Tangi is held over several days and involves lots of traditionally cooked food.
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, Lori. It’s fascinating to consider the many traditions of sharing food following a funeral. As you know, I wrote a little about what we ate at my cousin’s funeral in my latest Substack post (link below ICYMI). It’s so interesting to read these recipes you share for bar cookies and marshmallow fruit salad. In our Jewish tradition, there’s often a mourning period that lasts a week. Easy-to-eat and serve food that promotes comfort and storytelling is really the central point. At a Jewish gathering, bagels and lox, salad and snack platters, and cookies and cakes fill the bill. Sometimes they’re ordered from a restaurant, or volunteers from the community’s provide them. My cousin, as I wrote, had a special request. Here’s what I wrote: https://open.substack.com/pub/ruthtalksfood/p/a-funeral-feast?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
It’s mostly home-based mourning, though the very first evening might take place in a community setting, like the social hall of a synagogue, as it did for my cousin Hal. But in most cases the mourners come to the house to comfort the bereaved family, often bringing dishes, sometimes whole meals so that the grieving folks don’t need to think about cooking. I remember how very grateful I was after my mother died when a whole contingent of her friends brought enormous amounts of food. Many were dishes Mom might have made herself.
Thanks for the recommendation of Meal Train. There are so many folks I know in need right now, it may come in handy.
Thanks, Ruth! I’m curious, during that week of mourning, are those comfort foods brought to the house, for the family and mourners or part of a more community-based mourning?
Growing up in Minnesota, it was traditional to bring food to the house, and it’s a tradition I’ve continued in all the places I’ve lived since.
Maybe a dozen or more years ago, I started using Meal Train, a web-based place for folks to organize homemade food deliveries to folks who are mourning, ill, recovering from something, postpartum moms, etc. it’s fabulous.
In Utah, funeral potatoes are a staple at the dinner after the burial - held in the cultural hall of the church. Funeral potatoes are similar to scalloped potatoes using frozen hash browns. The dinner is usually rounded out with sliced ham, green beans, rolls, and a variety of cakes. The funeral dinner is for family members and those from out of town. It doubles as a family reunion, with laughter and visiting serving as a contrast to the somber mood of the funeral and burial that come first.
Oh that sounds delicious and a full-on meal! Minnesota funeral lunches aren’t quite that “heavy”, but definitely a time of visiting, reminiscing. Thanks for sharing!
The marshmallow fruit salad seems to have come with my family from Wisconsin. I never grew to love it :) But drinking out of jelly jars? That’s excellent.
This brought up memories of Glorified Rice as one of those salads served at Lutheran funerals in my childhood. I'm filled with a flood of memories of the church kitchen and remember what belongs in each cupboard and drawer.
Ah, this brought back a lot of memories, not only of funeral food as we had it, but of hot summer days spent swimming and then having a picnic or a lunch in the backyard. We had the marshmallow salad and the bologna salad throughout the year. Thank you for bringing that back! Did you take some of the jelly jars back home?
Wonderful! Isn’t it amazing for certain foods just being is right. All to the moments memories are made!
I was pretty focused on making sure all the old family photos and documents etc fit in the car, but yes, I do hope to get at least one jellyfish jar to keep those precious memories. Thanks for sharing your comments!
OMG! l love this. John's love for using jelly jars as glasses remind me of two stories from my past including my grandpa's (also a John) glasses with women in scant clothing gracing the outside. When the cold beverage was added her clothes would disappear. These were "hidden" on a top shelf where he thought we couldn't get to, but we did! They probably were the first thing grandma threw away when she moved in with us! Love your focus on food!
I grew up at a time and place where it was considered that children should be ‘protected’ from death and funerals. I didn't go to a funeral until I was well into my adulthood. My grandparents were there one minute and gone the next with no in-between transition. Something I have always felt resentful about but it is just how things were done in those days.. Food does play a part here … but not in quite such an extensive way ... just finger food ... a sandwich or two, sausage roll, piece of cake ... These days the focus is on a celebration of life and the food after the service draws people together to swap stories about the deceased over a cup of tea or coffee and pay their respect to those who have most closely suffered the loss.
My parents felt the same way about protecting me from funerals, if not death itself. So I wasn’t allowed to say final goodbyes to several beloved family members until I was an adult.
For me, those experiences created a challenge to my acceptance of their passing, and - if not a fear - then surely a deep reluctance to even think about the topic.
Thanks for sharing your perspective and thoughts. These sorts of community and family traditions are always fascinating mg, aren’t they!
It occurred to me that when I replied, I wrote very much from my own European perspective. I live in a country where food plays a significant part in funerals for Māori people. A Māori Tangi is held over several days and involves lots of traditionally cooked food.
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, Lori. It’s fascinating to consider the many traditions of sharing food following a funeral. As you know, I wrote a little about what we ate at my cousin’s funeral in my latest Substack post (link below ICYMI). It’s so interesting to read these recipes you share for bar cookies and marshmallow fruit salad. In our Jewish tradition, there’s often a mourning period that lasts a week. Easy-to-eat and serve food that promotes comfort and storytelling is really the central point. At a Jewish gathering, bagels and lox, salad and snack platters, and cookies and cakes fill the bill. Sometimes they’re ordered from a restaurant, or volunteers from the community’s provide them. My cousin, as I wrote, had a special request. Here’s what I wrote: https://open.substack.com/pub/ruthtalksfood/p/a-funeral-feast?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
It’s mostly home-based mourning, though the very first evening might take place in a community setting, like the social hall of a synagogue, as it did for my cousin Hal. But in most cases the mourners come to the house to comfort the bereaved family, often bringing dishes, sometimes whole meals so that the grieving folks don’t need to think about cooking. I remember how very grateful I was after my mother died when a whole contingent of her friends brought enormous amounts of food. Many were dishes Mom might have made herself.
Thanks for the recommendation of Meal Train. There are so many folks I know in need right now, it may come in handy.
Thanks, Ruth! I’m curious, during that week of mourning, are those comfort foods brought to the house, for the family and mourners or part of a more community-based mourning?
Growing up in Minnesota, it was traditional to bring food to the house, and it’s a tradition I’ve continued in all the places I’ve lived since.
Maybe a dozen or more years ago, I started using Meal Train, a web-based place for folks to organize homemade food deliveries to folks who are mourning, ill, recovering from something, postpartum moms, etc. it’s fabulous.
https://www.mealtrain.com
In Utah, funeral potatoes are a staple at the dinner after the burial - held in the cultural hall of the church. Funeral potatoes are similar to scalloped potatoes using frozen hash browns. The dinner is usually rounded out with sliced ham, green beans, rolls, and a variety of cakes. The funeral dinner is for family members and those from out of town. It doubles as a family reunion, with laughter and visiting serving as a contrast to the somber mood of the funeral and burial that come first.
Oh that sounds delicious and a full-on meal! Minnesota funeral lunches aren’t quite that “heavy”, but definitely a time of visiting, reminiscing. Thanks for sharing!
The marshmallow fruit salad seems to have come with my family from Wisconsin. I never grew to love it :) But drinking out of jelly jars? That’s excellent.
This brought up memories of Glorified Rice as one of those salads served at Lutheran funerals in my childhood. I'm filled with a flood of memories of the church kitchen and remember what belongs in each cupboard and drawer.
Oh man, yes, glorified rice! I actually have another piece dedicated to that classic MN dish as it was my mom’s go-to potluck recipe 😉
I’m glad this piece brought back memories for you, too, Jill. Those shared traditions run deep, don’t thy?
Ah, this brought back a lot of memories, not only of funeral food as we had it, but of hot summer days spent swimming and then having a picnic or a lunch in the backyard. We had the marshmallow salad and the bologna salad throughout the year. Thank you for bringing that back! Did you take some of the jelly jars back home?
Wonderful! Isn’t it amazing for certain foods just being is right. All to the moments memories are made!
I was pretty focused on making sure all the old family photos and documents etc fit in the car, but yes, I do hope to get at least one jellyfish jar to keep those precious memories. Thanks for sharing your comments!
OMG! l love this. John's love for using jelly jars as glasses remind me of two stories from my past including my grandpa's (also a John) glasses with women in scant clothing gracing the outside. When the cold beverage was added her clothes would disappear. These were "hidden" on a top shelf where he thought we couldn't get to, but we did! They probably were the first thing grandma threw away when she moved in with us! Love your focus on food!
Hilarious, Lynda! I recall a pen like that, and a lot of cartoon character and flower-covered jelly jars, but no nudie glasses!
I’m glad this piece brought back some good memories for you! That’s the goal, right? Share stories to seed stories 😉